Some break-ups are harder than others. There are relationships that end, if not happily, with an understanding. There are others that will tear you apart, so that you feel empty.
These are the break ups where you know that you don’t want it to end, even if you didn’t realize it at the moment where it all fell apart. And because you care so much about getting things back together, there’s a tendency to do things wrong.
Understanding How You Feel
The very fact that getting back together is so important is the reason that you need to stop and think before you proceed. Chances are, your emotions are swirling around like a cocktail shaker, rattling and clanging around your head.
This emotional noise can stop you from thinking to the best of your abilities, which is why so many people don’t even realize what they’re doing. Letting your emotions run riot will often have the opposite effect to what you intended, pushing your ex further away.
Understanding How Your Ex Feels
If your ex senses that you are anxious or irrational they will probably push you further away, it’s as simple as that.
It’s almost instinctive to push away from negative pressure. Your ex will need room of their own, as they’ll be going through a process too.
By inflicting your anxiousness upon them and adding your emotional noise, it will become even more difficult for your ex to think clearly. If you’re serious about getting back together, you both have to be in the right frame of mind.
This means that both of you need to do everything possible to stop emotions building so high that judgments becoming clouded.
Signs You Are Putting On Too Much Pressure
If you are determined to get back together the most common mistake is to make too many attempts to contact them. Are you calling all the time, leaving similar messages each time you don’t get an answer?
What about emails and texts? Maybe you’ve rediscovered some older ways of getting in touch- you know you’ve gone too far if you’re sending out carrier pigeons!
The other big mistake is to try to get your ex partner to feel sorry for you. Ask yourself whether you’d to be in a relationship with someone you feel sorry for! It’s hardly likely to be top of the list of most desirable relationship traits, so don’t go down that path.
Harsh but true- the best possible outcome of making them feel sorry for you is a relationship where you’re thought of like a mangy old dog from the pound!
So, Take off the Pressure Already!
Give your ex some time and space. It’s not so much about playing hard to get, though adding a little mystery to yourself never hurt anyone.
It’s more about giving them the chance to think about what you mean to them. If you were arguing a lot, before you broke up, constant contact will reinforce that, even if you’ve decided to put the arguments behind you.
It’ll take some self discipline to stop contact but think of it as an opportunity for yourself too. You probably need space as much as them. You can do better things with your time than contacting your ex while they’re still thinking things through- take up a hobby or craft if you need to keep your mind off them!
By giving your ex partner some space you will find that they actually have chance to miss you and feel positive about you, which they can’t do if you’re contacting them constantly. This may even mean that they end up making the next move, even if they haven’t before.
If that happens then the chances of a reunion will increase massively, plus it’ll be an outcome nobody pressured into happening, which is a more solid base for the future.